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Chuck Norris Facts

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Lil Spawn
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« on: November 16, 2009, 05:45:03 pm »

One fact per post.



Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
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« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2009, 11:47:32 am »

One tim a woodchuck who chucked wood tried to chuck norris...and thus the legend was born.
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« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2009, 03:35:17 pm »

Jesus walks on water....but Chuck Norris swims through land.
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« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2009, 05:46:25 pm »

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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« Reply #4 on: December 28, 2009, 09:17:44 pm »

Chuck Norris caused the stock market slump, then quickly roundhouse kicked it back into shape. All cause he was bored.
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« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2009, 10:08:28 am »

Sorry; this is a band joke.. (It takes 8 regular steps to go from yard line to yard line)

It's hard for a marcher to attempt 3 to 5s..But Chuck Norris can march a 0 to 5.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 or 1.29 every time he listens to a song.
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« Reply #6 on: December 29, 2009, 08:59:10 pm »

this might be a little dirty, but i dont care

"chuck norris once visited the virgin islands.  They are now called the islands"
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« Reply #7 on: December 30, 2009, 11:28:11 am »

On thanksgiving day chuck Norris heard his wife complain that the oven had broken down before she could cook the turkey. Chuck norris unhinged his jaw and swallwed the turkey whole. A few moments later he coughed up a fully cooked turkey with all the fixings. In shock his wife asks "Chuck, how did you do that?" Chuck quickly roundhouse kicks her and before she loses consciousness he answers, "NEVER QUESTION CHUCK NORRIS!"
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« Reply #8 on: December 30, 2009, 04:52:12 pm »

The only way for Santas slay to get around the whole world in one night is for Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick it to lift-off.
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« Reply #9 on: January 25, 2010, 04:46:23 pm »

"It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself."
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« Reply #10 on: February 23, 2010, 06:21:10 pm »

You know, its used to be a Sahara Forest...until Chuck Norris walked through it.
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« Reply #11 on: February 23, 2010, 06:57:58 pm »

Behind every good opponent of chuck norris there is.....CHUCK NORRIS!
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« Reply #12 on: February 24, 2010, 08:04:27 pm »

A whirlpool is the natural occurence of water forcing itself out of the way everytime Chuck Norris takes a swim
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« Reply #13 on: June 17, 2010, 04:08:01 pm »

"When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side."
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« Reply #14 on: June 21, 2010, 11:48:52 pm »

"When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side."

The occurrence at Nagasaki and Hiroshima was caused by the dropping of Chuck Norris into both areas. The radiation that spread afterward was residual round-house kicks that scattered across the countryside. (To soon?)
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