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Shinigami

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Shadow Crusnik
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« on: May 04, 2010, 08:44:26 pm »

well as i mentioned in one of my posts in the crimson cross thread i have lost faith in myself as a writer. i couldnt tell if my stories were any good or if my friends were just being nice and telling me what they thought i wanted to hear. I know that i am my worst critic and when i go back and read my own stuff i tend to get really down and i want to rip it up. well this hit me one day and this is basically like my deciding piece. this is me throwing it out there to try and get my confidence back.

this first part is part of the prolouge that sort of gives you background, or i guess it could be compared to the back cover you would read to decide if this sounds interesting to you.

In the distant future the world has changed greatly. People with superhuman abilities have surfaced. Those people banded together and created their own kingdom separate from the rest of the world. They live peacefully with the rest of the world and do not dare try to harm the balance between the two. Although in the recent years two powerful superhuman’s appeared. The empress and the shinigami. With their appearance a war erupted. The empress proposed a game; she stated that if anyone could kill the shinigami she would gladly surrender her life to the world, although as long as the shinigami lived she would continue to take the very few people who supported her and cause destruction till eventually the whole world was under her. So now with the whole world after the shinigami’s life the game begins. Although the shinigami sadly didn’t agree to this game. So now he is forced to try to keep his true self hidden from the world that looks to destroy his very existence, all the while trying to protect the one he loves more than anything in this world, even if she can be nothing more than a pain in the ass, the empress.

now this next part is the would be first chapter or whatever.

In an empty room the only noise was coming from a t.v. that was left on. It was a news report, on the screen there was a building that was half destroyed and nothing but rubble and the other half was on fire. A reporter stood in front of this horrific scene doing his job and telling the world what exactly happened at this place. “I stand in front of the United World Alliance building, that was just attacked.” he started, “ This horrible scene was caused by none other then the Empress and her four knights, although the surviving eye witness claims that the Shinigami was not among them.” It was clear he did not feel comfortable standing at this scene, or maybe this young reporter was over joyed with the chance to cover such a big story. “Luckily none of the worlds leaders where at the building today, however there were still a total of fifty casualties, all employees of the building. This is a yet another tragic event caused by the Empress.” He then finished.

The camera then cut back to a studio showing another man sitting at a desk, “Thank you John for that quick news update.” He began, “It has been six months since the Empress has stated the rules to her game, and since that time the identity of the Shinigami have not been revealed, again if anyone know this mans whereabouts ple...” the t.v. is then shut off.

“That bitch,” a voice mumbled. A man then stepped into the room, he was about six foot tall. He had a slender figure, a swimmers body. His hair was black and medium length. He had grey eyes that seemed like they would go on forever. He wore what seemed like worn out jeans. They fit around the waste then got bagger the further down his legs they went. He also had on a from fitting black t-shirt and a brown leather jacket over it. “Couldn’t she just leave things be?” He asked himself, “and what the fuck is up with these god damn names, using such childish names.” He continued getting angrier as he kept thinking about it, “Whatever just as long as she doesn’t fucking tell anyone.” He finished calming himself down. Just then the sound of a door opening could be heard.

“Hey Vincent  ” another mans voice called out, “Vincent you there?” it asked.

“Yeah im here I will be right there Damian.” Vincent called back taking one last look at the t.v. threw the remote into a chair and grabbed a back pack. “Sorry I over slept.” Vincent said to this man.

Damian was around the same height although he was on the heavier side. He had short black hair and dark brown eyes. He wore pollo and khaki shorts. “Dude you need to sleep more.” He said to Vincent shaking his head, “I mean we are going to be late to class now, and well we can’t be late again.” he said giving Vincent a slight smile and a chuckle.

“Sorry dude, just can’t seem to fall asleep at night, I can’t help it.” Vincent replied returning the smile. They then began to jog a bit across a college campus. AS they were running Vincent turned to Damian confused, “Dude it is fucking late fall how the hell are you still wearing shorts? ” He asked

Damian laughed, “Fuck the cold im going to wear shorts till they tell me I can’t” He replied, “plus it helps that I got all this extra padding for warmth.” He said slapping his stomach. They both began to laugh. They then slowed down and began to walk. “Hey Vince did you see that the Empress attacked another building?” He asked

“Yeah, I can’t believe she could do that so easily.” He said as his mind wondered to see the figure of the a little girl laughing. Vincent then snapped back to reality. “Yeah what did you think?” he asked

“Yeah how can it be so easy to take someone’s life?” Damian asked, “To be honest im glad those freaks with the super powers went and formed their own society. They scare the hell out of me.” He began as he looked down, “I just wish that Shinigami guy would show up and die already so we can just go on with this, I mean what type of guy is he to let this all happen, he must be a real monster.” Damian finished, and with that Vincent stopped in his tracks. “Vince? You alright?” Damian asked

“Yeah sorry I spaced for a minute.” Vincent said putting on a smile, “Yeah your right he must be some sort of demon if he keeps letting all these people die.” Vincent then went through the next few classes like this wondering what would be best. Soon enough he was done with his classes and began to walk back to his apartment.

“Vince ” a women’s voice called out. Although Vincent didn’t acknowledge her, “Vincent Cross ” She now screamed and with that Vincent turned around. To see a girl standing about five feet four inches tall. She had long blonde hair and light blueish green eyes. She had a slim figure with a nice vase shaped curve. She had a nice bust for her figure. She was incredibly beautiful.

“Oh wow im sorry Maria I was completely off in another world.” He stated rubbing his head smiling.

“Jeez you are always off in your own little world, you never notice anything.” She said getting close, “You know Vince I have a test coming up I could use someone to tutor me.” She said winking.

Vincent smiled, “Sure thing,” he replied with a smile, “Damian is headed over tonight and we are going to study as well so you can come join us.” He told her.

She sighed, “Your so dense but sure ill be over tonight around seven so be ready I have a lot of questions.” she then ran off waving goodbye

“Alright” Vincent yelled to her as she was leaving. He then went back and decided to pick up the miss in his apartment. Soon enough it was seven and not even five minutes passed Damian barged in. Following behind slowly was Maria. She was wearing a skirt and tight fitting t-shirt.

“Sorry to just come in like this.” Maria said blushing a bit.

“It’s fine I knew he would just come in anyways.” Vincent replied looking at Damian and shaking his head laughing a bit.
“What?” Damian asked, “I practically live her also I found her pacing outside looking nervous for some reason.” He said shrugging his shoulders.

Maria’s face got red, “Shut up no I wasn’t ” She yelled Damian began to laugh, “Shut up don’t laugh.” She then turned to Vincent, “I wasn’t nervous... I... I was just trying to figure out if I left anything I would need.” She told him stuttering a bit.

“Ok” Vincent told her so she would calm down. “Alright lets study.” he said motioning to the table.

“Actually dude im ok, I don’t feel like studying so im just going to crash on your couch and watch some television.” Damian said as he turned to head to the living room.

“Oh no you don’t you need this more than anyone.” Vincent said grabbing Damian’s shoulder, “Now come.” he order as Damian dropped his head in defeat and walked to the table. Whimpering like a dog. The three of them began to study, Vincent going back and forth between the two making it evident that he was the smartest of the three.

Soon enough it was past midnight “Wow it can’t believe it is this late.” Vincent said yawning, “It’s best we call it a night, if we don’t get sleep all this will have been for naught.” He said motioning they should get going.

“I don’t want to.” Damian said laying his head down, “Let me stay the night dude, you walk Maria home.” He told him.

Vincent nodded and turned to Maria, “Alright then I guess im going to walk you home.” He said smiling at her.

Maria blushed a little and noticed Damian giving her a thumbs up behind Vincent. She smiled a bit and nodded, “Yeah that’s fine.”

“Alright then lets go.” He said as he put his leather jacket on, and heading to the door. When Maria got there he opened it for her and let her walk out first. As he was closing the door he noticed Damian holding a sign that said “CLOSE THE DEAL”. Vincent then slammed the door and mumbled, “Idiot”

“What?” Maria asked confused as to what just happened.

“Nothing.” Vincent smiled trying to conceal the fact that he was flustered. They then began to walk. Vincent noticed that Maria was shivering in the night air, “Man does no one know what time of year it is.” He said shaking his head. Before Maria could ask she felt Vincent’s Jacket around her shoulders.

She clutched it tightly and smiled, “Thank you.” She said. It then got silent, “Hey Vincent...”she began as she turned around to notice Vincent staring up at something.
“The full moon is quite beautiful tonight.” He said not really paying attention to the situation. His eyes looked sad.

“Vincent?” Maria whispered. Vincent then came back to reality and look at her with a smile. “You really have to stop that I was going to say something important.” She said as she turned around.

“Sorry Sorry, what is it? What were you going to say?” He asked trying to peak over her shoulder to look at her face.

“Nothing never mind now it’s to late.” She said turning so that he couldn’t see how red her face was.

“Come on tell me.” He pleaded with a puppy dog look.

“Alright.” She said not looking at him, “I think im in love with you.” She said with her head down. She blurted it out without really realizing what she did.

“Oh wow...” Vincent started, “Umm...”

“Its ok if you don’t feel the same way I get it...” She started as she began to turn around with tears in her eyes, “Im an air head and I don’t really have anything intell...” Before she could finish Vincent came in and grabbed her. At first the was over filled with joy. But then noticed they were falling. Then from over there head something flew past them and hit a building, causing a small explosion. “What happened?” Maria asked But before she could get an answer Vincent jumped up and turned around.

“What are you doing?” He yelled to no one it seemed.

Then clapping was heard, “Excellent I was beginning to doubt it really was you.”  Voice echoed out, “But I guess my source was right you really are him you’re the shinigami.” The voice said.

Maria looked up at Vincent confused. She couldn’t comprehend what the voice just said, “Vincent what is he saying?” she asked, “it sounded like he said you were the shini...” but before she could finish she saw a glimpse of Vincent’s face. It was no longer kind, it was cold and distant. It looked almost detached from the world.

“What do you want here?” Vincent asked malice and killing intent dripping from every word he spoke.

“Im sure you already know that.” The voice cried out as it now became a figure, “It is the rules of her fucked up little game, that if the shinigami is killed she will also hand in her life as well.” He then stepped into the light of the moon. He was an older man who looked to be experienced in combat possibly someone who had fought in a war of maybe recently. “Why don’t you just die? ” He yelled out sadness hidden behind his anger. Two more things came shooting at Vincent He moved enough to were it only grazed his shoulders.

“Please sir just go, I don’t wish to fight with you.” Vincent said trying to get this man to leave.

“Shut the fuck up ” he yelled to Vincent, “I can’t just let you live not if killing you means I can stop that fucking monster who calls her self the Empress ” he yelled to him. “So please just die already.” The man said now seeming to choke back tears.

“I understand,” Vincent replied to him. Maria looked up shocked, “However...” Vincent continued, “I can not do that, do you know the role of the shinigami?” Vincent asked. This caught the man off guard, “The role of the shinigami is to stay alive and decide when the empress dies, I am the Empress’s god of death” He said both the man and Maria were shocked and confused, “Then again I don’t care for that bitch’s games, never have. Ever since we were kids she was always giving me the troublesome roles in her fucked up games.” Vincent began to ramble, then caught himself, “But I don’t turn myself in because it is part of the game. I will continue to live to protect her life because I am in love with her.” Vincent said simply as a smile cut across his face destroying the cold look as he announced this fact.

The man began to laugh, “I see then if that’s the case ill have to get serious.” He said as the wind picked up, “I will destroy you with this.” He began, “Wind blade ” The man yelled as he charged as the wind formed around his hand creating a blade around his arm.

“Forgive me.” Vincent said as he stretched out his arm is palm facing up. The shadows began to move and rose from the ground into Vincent’s hand. Maria began to squirm as she saw this move around her. Then in Vincent’s hand a pole formed then at one of the ends it started to shoot out making it into a scythe. The man was now close and lunged forward and went to plunge the blade into Vincent’s chest. At the same time Vincent swung the scythe. Then all the wind around the mans arm disappeared.

“Wha...” He began. Then from behind him the image of his shadow could be seen but only his. His shadow then split in half. Then so did the man. Blood began to pour out of both halves. Then the shadow scythe vanished and all the other shadows around the area returned to normal.

Vincent looked at Maria, “Sorry but I can not except your love,” He smiled sadly.

Maria was in shock she couldn’t even hope to move. She then blacked out. Vincent then picked her up and walked her back to her apartment. He walked in on his won and put her into bed. “Please believe the lie im about to weave.” He said as he placed his forehead upon hers and then walked out.


please be honest with me. i am a tough guy i can take it if this is crap i just cant take being lied to.
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Even if the corpses pile up under my throne and my rivers flow crimson. I will not stop till I have reached my goal

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ValkyrieOfDreams
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« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2010, 04:03:34 pm »

O.o wow. I love it. Don't be so hard on yourself, Shadow dear. it's brilliant. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You are a WONDERFUL author and I think we should work together to create an uber good story. lol *que evil laugh*  Evil Grin
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I am the one you fear at night. I can give you beautiful dreams...or I can give you nightmares. Which would you prefer?
Shadow Crusnik
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« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2010, 11:58:22 pm »

i would be up for that, i love working with other people you know bounce ideas off them and such i think it tends to make for better work. i through up the second set of this when i finish it so be sure to let me know what you think of that as well
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Even if the corpses pile up under my throne and my rivers flow crimson. I will not stop till I have reached my goal
ValkyrieOfDreams
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« Reply #3 on: May 25, 2010, 04:55:30 pm »

awesome!
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I am the one you fear at night. I can give you beautiful dreams...or I can give you nightmares. Which would you prefer?

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