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the virginity question

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« on: June 21, 2011, 12:23:27 am »

Because it kills me we haven't had a serious discussion in so long, and I think we're finally old enough to discuss it.

What age do you think its appropriate for someone to lose their virginity?
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« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2011, 12:24:38 am »

At what ever age it's alright to marry at, so I guess my answer is 18. ^^;
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« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2011, 12:13:13 pm »

Maybe not for the same reasons as Xira-chan supplied, but I agree that 18 is all around a good age for sex. Before that it really just creates undue drama, stress, and makes the already complicated process of readjusting from puberty more complicated. Not to mention that most adolescents are pretty irresponsible which makes preventative measures kind of useless. As seen by the fact that there were 22 pregnant girls this past year at the high school that I graduated from. Not including girls the girl that was pregnant four times, and finally decided to keep the fourth one.
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« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2011, 10:11:25 pm »

This is a rather trite question, just like asking 'when is the appropriate age to die?' There is no standard appropriate age for which one should lose there virginity. if anything, putting off losing one's virginity creates more stress and anxiety for one than if they had lost it earlier.
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« Reply #4 on: June 24, 2011, 05:03:14 am »

It's kind of a cop-out answer, but I agree; there isn't a set age where you should or shouldn't lose your virginity, it depends on the maturity and readiness of the person in question.
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« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2011, 04:49:13 am »

For the sake of discussion...

if anything, putting off losing one's virginity creates more stress and anxiety for one than if they had lost it earlier.

I think that you're being entirely too vague here, Fayt. How early (age-wise) are you talking about when you speak of losing one's virginity "earlier" rather than "putting [it] off"? And how old does one have to be (if they're putting off having sex) before it actually becomes some kind of unnecessary stressor?

And why do you consider it so much more stressful for someone to wait to lose their virginity, as opposed to losing it at a very early age? Considering how very immature many (dare I say "most"?) younger people are today (and I am referring to ages 13-17), wouldn't losing one's virginity too early make it more likely to cheapen the act of sex in the eyes of whoever is having it? Especially if one is having sex JUST to lose their virginity, and not particularly because they feel a special attraction to the person they're going to bed with?

Not to mention that Vera-chan makes a very valid point when she states that

I agree that 18 is all around a good age for sex. Before that it really just creates undue drama, stress, and makes the already complicated process of readjusting from puberty more complicated. Not to mention that most adolescents are pretty irresponsible which makes preventative measures kind of useless.

Being a teenager and going through puberty and trying to figure out where you fit in in life is hard enough without adding in some kind of mad rush to hurry up and lose your virginity, or to jump on the "everyone's doing it" (which, in reality, more than likely they're NOT) sex bandwagon... don't you think?

That said... I don't really think there's a set age to where someone should lose their virginity or not... but I do think that it's a better idea to wait until you are in a semi-stable relationship (rather than just hopping into bed with whoever), and when you're mature enough and responsible enough to handle being sexually active.

In closing...

there isn't a set age where you should or shouldn't lose your virginity, it depends on the maturity and readiness of the person in question.

This. XD
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« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2011, 04:44:08 pm »

Very well put I think Kadri. I'm that person that has crazy high standards when it comes to sexuality and relationships (that's right, I adhere to the old Christian moral standards). But the way you put it is very mature sounding, and I can something I can accept. :3
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« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2011, 07:53:30 pm »

To Kadri:

Well obviously I'm not trying to advocate people attempt to go out and have sex at around ages of, say, 5 or 6. What I'm saying is that setting a strict age on when someone SHOULD lose their virginity after the point of sexual maturity (around 11 or 12  on average) would be ridiculous. As to the whole stress comment I made, that relates more to the social pressures put onto people to have sex in the first place. Not one to say that people should have sex just because other are having sex, but I for one can attest that it's a very dejecting feeling knowing that everyone (and I do literally mean everyone) around you is playing flesh tag while you sit idly by, and the world turns on. My overall point would coincide with Arcy's in that it really doesn't matter the age at which one loses their virginity, but about the point in which they feel it appropriate that they should be having sex in the first place (romantically inclined or not)
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« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2011, 08:55:44 pm »

First of all, I simply must say... Yay, a discussion!! Grin


Now, on with an actual reply...

Well obviously I'm not trying to advocate people attempt to go out and have sex at around ages of, say, 5 or 6. What I'm saying is that setting a strict age on when someone SHOULD lose their virginity after the point of sexual maturity (around 11 or 12  on average) would be ridiculous.

I agree; setting a specific age after which it's appropriate to lose one's virginity is completely impractical.

However... just because someone is physically mature enough to start having sex doesn't necessarily mean that they SHOULD. I mean, most people don't reach full maturity--mental and emotionally speaking--until somewhere between their mid-twenties to their early thirties. (Doctors disagree on the exact age, since people develop at different rates, but between 25 and 30 years old seems to be the general consensus.)

That's not to say that someone should wait until they're 25-30 years old, of course, but I think that it would probably be a better idea to wait until they are more mentally and emotionally secure (and stable) to have sex than to leap into bed as soon as they're physically able.

I mean really... 11 and 12 year olds having sex?

As to the whole stress comment I made, that relates more to the social pressures put onto people to have sex in the first place. Not one to say that people should have sex just because other are having sex, but I for one can attest that it's a very dejecting feeling knowing that everyone (and I do literally mean everyone) around you is playing flesh tag while you sit idly by, and the world turns on.

Maybe I'm just getting old... but I'm not sure that there's actually that much "social pressure" put onto people to go out and have sex. And even if there was, you said it yourself that that's no excuse to go out and start having sex just because other people are having it.

Also, I hate to say this... but if you're that downtrodden over the knowledge that other people are "getting some" on a regular basis and you aren't... well, you really ought to find yourself a good hobby to occupy yourself with until you meet that girl you want to start sharing your bed with. =/

And finally...

My overall point would coincide with Arcy's in that it really doesn't matter the age at which one loses their virginity, but about the point in which they feel it appropriate that they should be having sex in the first place (romantically inclined or not)

Wink Well said. I'll quit giving you a hard time now, because I do (pretty much) agree with your final statement.

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« Reply #9 on: June 29, 2011, 08:01:48 am »

So we can all generally agree that I'm great then, yeah? Cool.
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« Reply #10 on: June 29, 2011, 09:48:39 pm »

As to the whole stress comment I made, that relates more to the social pressures put onto people to have sex in the first place. Not one to say that people should have sex just because other are having sex, but I for one can attest that it's a very dejecting feeling knowing that everyone (and I do literally mean everyone) around you is playing flesh tag while you sit idly by, and the world turns on.

Maybe I'm just getting old... but I'm not sure that there's actually that much "social pressure" put onto people to go out and have sex. And even if there was, you said it yourself that that's no excuse to go out and start having sex just because other people are having it.

Also, I hate to say this... but if you're that downtrodden over the knowledge that other people are "getting some" on a regular basis and you aren't... well, you really ought to find yourself a good hobby to occupy yourself with until you meet that girl you want to start sharing your bed with. =/
I'm pretty much with you here, Kadri. Either you and I fall into the "old" category or it's a location thing. Though I have noticed that the amount of sleeping around/pregnant teenagers at my old high school has exponentially increased since I left.
I'm glad, though, that I have an unhealthy amount of spite for society. So if I'm pressured by it/them(?) to do something then I'm pretty content with not doing it. ^^;
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« Reply #11 on: July 06, 2011, 12:40:34 am »

I'm glad, though, that I have an unhealthy amount of spite for society. So if I'm pressured by it/them(?) to do something then I'm pretty content with not doing it. ^^;

Well... I don't think you really need to have an unhealthy amount of spite for society to avoid being affected by peer-pressure... Being self-assured and fairly well-adjusted works just as well, and then you don't have to be angry OR spiteful. XD

Although if you want to talk specific age groups, I honestly don't know many self-assured teenagers anymore. Or even young adults.
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« Reply #12 on: July 08, 2011, 01:45:58 am »

I'm glad, though, that I have an unhealthy amount of spite for society. So if I'm pressured by it/them(?) to do something then I'm pretty content with not doing it. ^^;

Well... I don't think you really need to have an unhealthy amount of spite for society to avoid being affected by peer-pressure... Being self-assured and fairly well-adjusted works just as well, and then you don't have to be angry OR spiteful. XD

Although if you want to talk specific age groups, I honestly don't know many self-assured teenagers anymore. Or even young adults.

It's the hormones, man. They place rational thinking and common sense into a sort of Auschwits-style prison of angst. What I'm saying is that being a teenager is like living through an emotional holocaust. Judge me.
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« Reply #13 on: July 09, 2011, 09:26:47 pm »

That may be true Fayt, but at some point you have to grow up and control your hormones and live without them controlling you, I think its part of being responsible, I know scary word look out. But its like everything in life, shit happens (case and point hormones and sex and angst) and then you have to get over it and move on with your life. It sucks, it takes some people longer than others, but its inevitable. Sooner is better than later in this case, at least in my opinion.
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« Reply #14 on: July 09, 2011, 11:00:14 pm »

I personally believe that 16 is the minimum age where having sex becomes acceptable.  The people who I knew who lost theirs before that were whores, honestly.  Funny part was that half of them knew it and were ok with it.  Most of the ones I knew who lost it at 16 were in relationships at the time, so it was "ok."  But then most of those relationships fell apart and the partners can't ever get back to square one, if that makes sense.  Maybe 18 is a more appropriate time to do it, maybe it is 25 or whenever you get married, I'm not sure when the best time would be.  But in all honesty, if you're with someone who you really care about and who cares about you, nobody should be able to tell you when you can lose your v-card.
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